What the hell, am I doing with my life?

I have not, the slightest idea. College's starting in about 2 weeks and I havent even started preparing for it yet. The excitement's suddenly not there anymore, it feels like it doesnt bother me much cause I'm just leaving this shithole, to another shithole place. Great. I feel lifeless to the max right now because I stopped working and all I do is rot at home every single day. Nice, no?

I think about how lifeless I am every single day and I rant about it. Everything's a mess, not exactly everything but yeah. I single-handedly ruined someone else's life and I know I can do nothing to make it up to that person. I never thought that this day would actually come. You and me, gone. Feelings fade, thats all I can say. We're grown ups. We move on, get over it and be friends again. Is it that hard, really? It breaks my heart to see you being like this - depressed, broken and lost. I tried to ignore you and be cold towards you just so you would forget about me but I guess it doesnt work out the way I wanted it to be. I think of us once in awhile, just to feel better about you and I. You always think you're just a choice, a second choice but you're wrong. You're always gonna be on top of my list, whether we'll still be friends or not. I'll still be here, for you. I'm gonna forget about all the things that you and I did, but I'll never forget about us. Its not gonna happen so stop asking me to forget about you. Maybe its better that we stopped talking for now.

I'm sorry for everything and I hope you'll think of me when you read this.