Scars

Communication is indeed, a very vital process between two people or maybe more but now, I'm gonna be concentrating on interpersonal communication. It is so hard, to live with someone who you can hardly communicate with that you love. It is hard because it hurts, it hurts to know that the person you love doesn't have the same mindset or opinions as you, most of the time. Is it that important to be holding grudges against each other just to prove one of them is on the wrong? For me, I'd rather just suck it up and let it go. But I've come to a realization that it isn't just about me, it is about both sides of the party. It still will not work if one of them has a high level of tolerance because it is a two-way-thing. Things will only work if both of them are willing to take a step back and talk it out peacefully instead of just lashing harsh words at each other. I've been experiencing this for quite sometime and I'm really stubborn on this because I stand on my point that everything will work out if I keep tolerating but no, things proved me wrong. It pains me to see that our relationship has come this bad. It is not bad in the sense that we don't love each other anymore. The thing is, the feelings are still very much there but I really don't know if it is really my problem, as you said it is because it occurred to me that it it ALWAYS me. I've evaluated myself and looked myself in the mirror and yes, I might have issues, but who doesn't? At least I took the chance to try to change myself, I really did, but you just don't see it. You're still not satisfied with me and all the shoutings really etched my heart. I cry myself to sleep every night reminiscing those days when we started dating, things were perfectly fine. Never will I forget the day we met, we talked like there's no tomorrow and rightaway I knew you were the one that could make me happy. I love you, so much that I still have that willpower -whatsoever they call it, to patch things up and hold on to this relationship. I honestly think I have done the best that I can to make you happy. Till now, I still have the same, numerous questions in my head. Do you still love me like how I love you? Do I really make your life that terrible? Is it my problem or is it yours? I did not, do not and will not have any intention to end this relationship because I still believe in us. I hope you will spend sometime and think about this, think about yourself and evaluate. I don't hope that history will repeat itself. Before you get mad or immediately think it is my fault again, sit back, take a breath and think about things. Things will be fine if we want it to be, it all depends on us, no? I don't wanna do this alone but the question is, are you in this with me?

Is it me, or my life is just always fucked?

Love,
JC