Words unspoken

Am currently under so much stress right now and I'm so tired, I dont feel like doing anything at all. You know, I could really use some mental support right now. If we're still together, just knowing that you're still there, its more than enough. But right now, we're living separate lives and I know I cant go to you anymore when I encounter any problems, its just so hard. Seeing you being happy with your life on one hand I'm happy for you but on the other, it kills me to know that you're fine without me. I keep restraining myself from checking out on you because I dont want to know if you've met someone else, I dont want to know that you've already moved on, I dont want to know that I've already been forgotten. I have so many things that I want to tell you, but I cant. Deep down, I really have a thing or two that I want to let you know. I wish that we could go back to the days where you'd call me after work or facetime me after gym and we could talk on the phone for hours and waiting for you to fall asleep before me. I dont think I'll ever meet anybody as great, as wise, as bold as you are. Ive been so out of place and i've lost myself throughout the way, I need to get my shit together but I seem to fail everyday. Fuck me. I've lost it all this time.