Nostalgia

3:19am and I can't sleep again. I haven't been getting a lot of  sleep for the past few weeks. I thought I was doing fine, or at least that's what I've been telling myself(I must be strong because I'm a tough cookie) but no, because yesterday, I finally broke down. I couldn't sleep and all I could think about was you and  what the fuck is going on and why the fuck am I still waiting. I broke into tears weeping like a pathetic kid  for a good 20 minutes, I haven't shed a tear in awhile  and should you know, I'm not that girl who cries over everything. I was thinking about us, about the days where we spent together happily and god did it break my heart. I don't know why this is affecting me so much because you're probably already over me, already moved on but I am still dwelling. Fuck. I am so fucking bitter. I am so broken. & I am so helpless. I try so hard everyday to laugh to be happy to at least pretend that I'm happy but when the night falls and when I'm all alone, all the heart wrenching thoughts come flooding in. It sucks to miss you when I can't tell you and it sucks to know that I don't mean anything to you anymore. But I really hope that you won't forget me so soon. I know time will wash away everything, it's been more than a week since we've broken up and day by day I'm petrified by the thought of you forgetting me. I feel  so alone and I am so afraid.

Maybe I gave you more love than your heart could take.