Monday

Okay so I went to check my college out in kampar today and to my surprise it looks pretty nice. There were numerous cars scattered around/outside/inside the college. Students these days are so lucky to have their own cars. The maintenance and facilities of the college are pretty impressive. The little hostels look sort of cozy and the security is good. I was really reluctant when my mum made me enrol for Utar but I guess its not that bad afterall. Now all I need is a place to stay and roommates that I can get along well with. Looking forward to meeting new friends there.

Life's been hard on me these days. I just wanna start off fresh when I leave for college. Leave all the dramas behind, fall out of love and study hard for my degree. Its quite impossible, I know but ignorance is bliss, no? I've been through hell and I've lost many people around me. Been lied to and cheated on that I've totally lost faith in believing. Trust; a word that I will never digest down my system. It has lost its meaning because people just HAVE to misuse the word. To you, you tried to defy me to not trust you anymore and there you go, you got it. You made my life a living hell, you came back to me and you ruined my life once again and no you want me to trust you? I'm afraid thats not gonna happen. You're contradicting yourself, repeatingly. So what's the point of apologising when you know, deep inside, that you're gonna hurt me again? Words matter alot, so don't tell me that 'I'm just saying it, they're just words.' You dont know how much words can hurt, at times. There was a crack, yes but I tried to mend it and I did. You, on the other hand, tore it apart. You blew your chances. You made me leave.

& I can't believe that after all the lying and cheating, I still tried to give myself excuses to let you in, to forgive you but no, its all etched inside my head, every living evidence that I saw. The pain is so intensifying, its crazy.

Never have I thought this day would come. Right now, I'm only waiting for times to pass because time will heal.