Back at square one

So here I am, again. You know its never good when I'm back at this place. Everything seems so familiar, this place, this feeling, past feelings that I've shared here. And today I am here, probably because I dont feel comfortable talking to anyone around me, or maybe I just dont have anyone that I can talk to. My heart burns and my head hurts. I dont know whats wrong or what I've done but nothing seems to feel right, nothing goes right. Is it just me or nobody is/will ever be true to you? I tried so hard, pleasing everybody but nothing that I do seems to be ever enough. Just when you think you can put all your trust in one person and the next thing you know is this one person turns out to be just like everybody else and this person is slowly leaving you too. I tried so hard, I treasured you, I may have made mistakes(everybody does) but I still treasure you. I forgave you, I took you in but right now it looks like I'm the one being left behind, being ostracized and you're enjoying every single minute of it. It feels like I'm constantly being slapped right in the face by your actions and words. I always tell myself nobody can live without anybody, I try to practice that thought and I constantly tell myself that I'd rather be alone but the truth is, I am really afraid of being alone. Its terrifying but I guess its time to learn things the hard way. People come and go, no one really stays. Just when I thought I found another person who I can rely on, then again, I was wrong. When you really have no one else to go to and you go up to this other person you thought would hold you through the bad and the ugly, this other person makes you feel like you're just a parasite, like you're sucking the shit out of its body just to survive, yeah that makes you feel pretty fucked up. So now we're back to square one, you can trust nobody but yourself but truth is sometimes I dont even trust myself. Ironic, isnt it? Haha. I feel really lost and I have lost faith, I have lost total faith in anything at all so dont tell me to take that fucking leap of faith because its all bullshit. Bullfuckingshit. There is only one thing that I can do now, which is to adapt, adapt to all these bullshit around me and apparently, I have to be OK about it. I can do that. Yup. Wish me luck.